Posts Tagged ‘Single’

Why Is it So Hard to Find Someone Special to Date?


2009
11.17

I’ve come to the real­iza­tion that every­one around is either dat­ing, engaged, or mar­ried. The only one who remains alone is me. I don’t even under­stand why I do remain alone. The worst is when some­one says, “You are quite the catch. I can’t believe you are still sin­gle.” Well that makes the two of us.

My friend, who began dat­ing the guy she is with at the same time I started dat­ing my last failed attempt of hav­ing a rela­tion­ship, just told me news that shows that her rela­tion­ship is pro­gress­ing. Even though I didn’t want to, I felt jeal­ous. Why didn’t it work for me? Why doesn’t it ever work for me? I don’t know if it ever will. I really don’t. I seem to be cursed when it comes to love.

It seems like the more pas­sion­ate you are, the more alone you are. It just seems to be the case for some unknown rea­son. I’m really tired of feel­ing this way. It’s been years since I felt like I was with some­one, and I don’t under­stand why it’s so hard for me and so easy for others.

I hon­estly wish some­one would tell me what I am doing wrong cause I don’t know.

Photo Detail: Walk­ing Alone, orig­i­nally uploaded by Chris­t­ian Carocca.

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Who Wants the Perfect Guy? Not Many Women


2009
10.12

star twist, folded from flecked momogami paper., orig­i­nally uploaded by EricG­jerde.

All of your friends, cowork­ers, and fam­ily keep telling you that they don’t under­stand why you are still sin­gle if you are quite a catch. You’re attrac­tive, suc­cess­ful, and are always up for a good time. There­fore, you decide to go to one of the online dat­ing sites, go out more, or hire a match­maker in hopes that you will find the right per­son. It should be easy for you, but then again, you remain sin­gle. Why? You keep won­der­ing how some­one like you is still sin­gle when you have so much going for you. The prob­lem is not you. It might be how you are going about it. You see your­self as a good catch so you should try to find some­one who will be a won­der­ful and sup­port­ing part­ner. You never want to set­tle for sec­ond best, espe­cially in love, so you should try to put your­self in a posi­tion to asso­ciate with high-caliber, suc­cess­ful sin­gles. Being selec­tive is great, but you don’t want exclude a won­der­ful per­son just because he/she does not quite fit your criteria.

Prob­lem One: You are too selec­tive in who you want to meet

All of us have some type of check­list that we use when seek­ing a part­ner. How­ever, some of us have exten­sive check­lists with con­tra­dic­tory items that make it impos­si­ble for us to find a real per­son. If you have too many deal break­ers on a check­list, then you are never going to find some­one who has even at least 80% of what you list.

Solu­tion: Elim­i­nate some items from the checklist.

Write down your check­list on a piece of paper. Go down the list and really think about what is impor­tant for you to have in a part­ner. Online dat­ing makes it easy for you to check too many attrib­utes you want the other per­son to have. When you meet some­one ran­domly, you don’t really get to go through your check­list. When you go on a date with that per­son, you might real­ize that you wasted time on some­one who didn’t even remotely come close to the per­son you are seek­ing. A match­mak­ing ser­vice is another alter­na­tive that gives you the strengths of both. You talk with a match­maker who is able to tell you if your check­list is unre­al­is­tic and if you need to trim down. It’s time that you start think­ing about what is impor­tant for the per­son you are seek­ing to have, and not have way too many things on your checklist.

Prob­lem Two: Go to the places peo­ple you want to find hang out

If you want to meet a suc­cess­ful pro­fes­sional like your­self, then you need to go to the places you would find these peo­ple hang­ing out at. This doesn’t mean the dive down the street you love to fre­quent, or the bar that becomes a total meat mar­ket at night. You are look­ing for high-quality peo­ple like your­self who could poten­tially be a per­fect fit for you.

Solu­tion: Hang out where pro­fes­sion­als would hang

You need to head to the places like cof­fee shops, pro­fes­sional happy hours, and the restau­rants where every­one rushes to get some food before head­ing back to work. If you don’t know, then ask your friends and cowork­ers to see where the hot spots are to find the right per­son you are seek­ing to date. Another good ref­er­ence is match­mak­ers. It’s their job to find out where the places where high-quality peo­ple hang out, so why not check with them to see where you should go.

Prob­lem Three: You rely on chance instead of tak­ing a sophis­ti­cated approach to find the right person

You are extremely busy, so you don’t have the time to look for a life-long part­ner. There­fore, you rely on luck and chance for you meet the right per­son. You try online dat­ing because that is the quick­est way to have tons of sin­gles read­ily avail­able. Alter­na­tively, you hope that one day when you are out and about with friends, you will bump into the love of your life. Wrong! Unless you get out there and find a win­ning approach to find that per­son, you are prob­a­bly more often that not going to remain single.

Solu­tion: Start think­ing of ways to find the right person

This is a deci­sion that will affect the rest of your future, so why are you tak­ing it lightly? If you are too busy to seek the right per­son or are clue­less on how to begin, there are many alter­na­tives to help you along the way. Online dat­ing deliv­ers instant prospects that you can sift through and see which ones are the most attrac­tive to you. If you start fre­quent­ing places that pro­fes­sion­als go, then you might have a chance of find­ing some­one as well. A match­maker will do all the leg­work for you and dia­gram a blue­print on the approach to take that is com­fort­able for you. You are able to meet high-quality peo­ple, like your­self, while still focus­ing on other aspects of your life.


Top Three Reasons Attractive Women Remain Single


2009
10.06

Marisa Miller

 

Ask peo­ple who are actively seek­ing a mate what they think about the dat­ing scene, and they will usu­ally answer that it’s a jun­gle out there. How­ever, if you ask who they think prob­a­bly has the hard­est time find­ing some­one, they would prob­a­bly never guess that it’s prob­a­bly very attrac­tive women. How is it pos­si­ble if they have the looks that will make any man want her by his side? The truth is that usu­ally beau­ti­ful women remain sin­gle longer than any­one. The rea­sons are the mis­con­cep­tions and fear of rejec­tion that cause men not to approach them. Men have anx­i­ety that par­a­lyzes and pre­vents them from tak­ing the first step when it they think a woman is very attrac­tive. This fear com­bined with their belief that these women are out of their league are the main cul­prits of why highly attrac­tive women remain single.

Rea­son #1: She is prob­a­bly a snob

The first thing you have to real­ize is that every­one can be a snob. Just because some­one has above-average looks, it doesn’t auto­mat­i­cally make them this snob­bish indi­vid­ual who thinks she is bet­ter than every­one. Sta­pling some­one as a snob because they are attrac­tive to many peo­ple is the first mis­take that needs to be corrected.

Solu­tion: Focus on her per­son­al­ity

Focus on her per­son­al­ity. If you are doing online dat­ing, then instead of nar­row­ing in on her looks, pay atten­tion to all of the details on her pro­file. Or if you see her at a bar, then let go of your fear of rejec­tion and take the risk to say hello. Pay atten­tion to her body lan­guage and con­ver­sa­tion. She might sur­prise you.

If you feel that you don’t’ want to take the risk of the unknown, then con­sider hir­ing a match­maker. He/she will bring a per­sonal touch to a daunt­ing dat­ing process because every­one is screened and matched by their cri­te­ria, per­son­al­ity, and inter­ests. You are intro­duced to some­one with­out know­ing how she looks like, so it takes a load off of you.

Rea­son #2: Her stan­dards are prob­a­bly very high

Another mis­con­cep­tion about good-looking women is that their stan­dards are way too high. Men usu­ally think that they want that make a cer­tain level of income and can give them the world. Every­one has stan­dards and a check­list of the per­son that they are seek­ing to date. How­ever, just by someone’s appear­ance, you are not able to really know what her stan­dards are.

Solu­tion: Pay atten­tion to the per­son she is seek­ing

Read between the lines as to the type of per­son she is seek­ing. With an online pro­file, you are able to read the type of check­list she is look­ing for. If you see her at a bar, then pay atten­tion to who she is eye­ing. If she is look­ing at the guy who is throw­ing money around, then maybe your per­cep­tion was right. How­ever, if she is star­ing at you, then go make the first attempt. The worst she can say is no. If you are using a match­maker, then he/she will talk to her about what she is look­ing for. You might be shocked to see that your per­cep­tion was wrong when the beau­ti­ful woman is on a date with you.

Rea­son #3: Maybe I am not good enough for her

Men think that there is no way they are good enough to be with highly attrac­tive women. She is prob­a­bly very high main­te­nance and gets lav­ished with gifts. Also, she prob­a­bly gets asked out con­stantly on all these amaz­ing adven­tures. Men usu­ally think what can I offer this woman if I were to begin dat­ing her.

Solu­tion: Think about what you can offer her

Regard­less of the way you meet some­one, the first step is to let go of pre­con­ceived notions that could pre­vent you from actu­ally mak­ing a con­nec­tion. It doesn’t mat­ter what a per­son looks like. You will never know if you are good enough for her unless you make a move. Regard­less if you meet her online or at a bar, then see what her inter­ests are. She might sur­prise you. A match­maker will fil­ter for you the kind of peo­ple who you would be com­pat­i­ble. It takes a weight off of your shoul­ders in seek­ing the right per­son to date.

Online dat­ing and casual encoun­ters can be effec­tive way for very attrac­tive women to find a sig­nif­i­cant other. By using an online dat­ing ser­vice, one is able to cre­ate a pro­file and have their words express what she is look­ing for. Men who are look­ing at her pro­file will see that he might be her type and take the risk of mes­sag­ing her. A casual encounter, such as a bar, allows very attrac­tive women to let their per­son­al­ity shine through. Their body lan­guage and ges­tures can reas­sure men that they are gen­uine peo­ple who are down-to-earth. One good solu­tion that com­bines these two meth­ods is using a matchmaker.

Match­mak­ers pro­vide a non-threatening envi­ron­ment where peo­ple can feel a per­sonal con­nec­tion with a com­mu­nity who is able to assist them in find­ing a con­nec­tion with another indi­vid­ual. They pro­vide a per­sonal touch because they meet the peo­ple face-to-face and are able to get a sense of who would be a good match for them. This gives it a feel of an inti­mate friend intro­duc­ing you to some­one instead of other meth­ods that can increase mis­con­cep­tions about a per­son based on their looks.

Am I Running Out of Time?


2009
08.23

Am I run­ning out of time?

You sit here. Over 30 years old. All your clos­est friends are mar­ried. Many of them have kids. Now they are begin­ning to play kids sports together. They take fam­ily trips together. When it is guys night out they love to live vic­ar­i­ously through me but that last but a night. What hap­pened to how it was in the late 80’s tele­vi­sion show ‘A Dif­fer­ent World’? I thought you go to col­lege or grad school and meet your sup­posed wife and live hap­pily ever after? How naive I was in my younger years. They say “be patient” or “all good things come to those who wait”. Really? I hope so because my patience is being tested. If my hopes were an emo­tion, they would be wary. Gen­er­ally you assume that all your clos­ests friends and fam­ily will be around when it is finally time to get hitched. What if that is not the case? What if a par­ent passes away? What if a close friend or sib­ling sud­denly goes? These ques­tions roll through my head on a peri­odic basis. I’m not try­ing to be mor­bid but this needs to be asked.

I see some friends who are active with their kids. I want that. Even older friends play com­pet­i­tive sports with their kids. I would love that. But … Am I run­ning out of time?

Sin­gle life is cool don’t get me wrong. But sin­gle for­ever? Not so much. I work, I play, I am open to new ideas … But so far that elu­sive great one has not appeared. Will it work out for me before the clock strikes midnight?

Or am I out of time?


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