One of my favorite songs reminds me of how I feel right now. I have trans­lated to Eng­lish, so you are able to read it. It talks about how she pas­sion­ately loves a man, but she is going to choose rea­son.  Even now, I still love my ex with all my heart.  How­ever, he is screwed and it would never work out.  There­fore, it’s bet­ter to be with some­one who makes me smile and won’t cause the me the heartache that he has.

I feel that I will never be truly in love with any­one again.  My time has passed, and now I just have to find some­one who will be my best friend, and I will deeply care about.  Even when I am excited about a guy, I still miss my ex immensely.  It’s just how things are.

If I ever saw him again, how would I react?  What if I were with another man? I think I would smile and say hello.  I just hope that my hands don’t shake, and I don’t stut­ter the words out.  The last time I found out that he was in the same mall as me, I couldn’t speak, started sweat­ing, and began shak­ing uncon­trol­lably.  Let’s hope that doesn’t happen.

Just like the small­est mos­quito in the pack
I fol­low your light even if it leads me to death
I fol­low you like peri­ods that fol­low the
sui­ci­dal phrases that look for an end.

Just like the poet that decides to work in a bank
Its very pos­si­ble that I would per­form a judo key
On my heart in the worst sce­nario
forc­ing it to sign this dec­la­ra­tion while he cries

I keep quiet because its most com­fort­able to fool myself.
I keep quiet because rea­son defeated the heart,
But no mat­ter what hap­pens , even if some­one else by my side,
In silence I will still love you.

Just the way the bum thinks the movies are sense­less
Just like a resigned flower dec­o­rates an ele­gant office.
I promise ill refer to the first one
that doesn’t hurt me as “my love”
And laugh­ter will become a lux­ury when I have for­got­ten you.

And just the way one waits when one waits on a may square,
I try to light a can­dle in secrecy just in case
We meet by luck, reduc­ing this words to a piece of paper.

I keep quiet because its most com­fort­able to fool myself.
I keep quiet because rea­son defeated the heart,
But no mat­ter what hap­pens , even if some­one else by my side,
In silence I will still love,
In silence I will be in love.
In silence I will think of only. you.

Photo Detail: The Curi­ous Case of Ben­jamin But­ton, orig­i­nally uploaded by Fabio Allves.