HeartBrakeHotel » relationships

My 2010 To Do List

Dr. Prentice — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 03:05:36 +0000

Here is the list of 10 things I will do with regard to dating in 2010. 2009 has been somewhat of a rough year so I wish and aim to make 2010 a more positive year. The goal of this list is to make sure these goals are track-able and can be reviewed to see if they are successful or not throughout the year. I expect you to hold me accountable as I try to hold myself accountable.

1) End the use of eharmony.com when my subscription expires in January/February. I have been on this site for 18+ months and met some very nice people and even dated a handful of ladies. I am ~~burned out~~ no longer actively engaged in following the eharmony process (translation burned out), so I must move on and try something new.

2) Engage in one social activity per week. This means getting out to a party, happy hour, concert, networking event … something that is social and out among old and new friends.

3) Try a new online dating source as they become more and more possible. Chemistry.com is a leading contender at the current time.

4) Take one class that will further engage me in a social atmosphere. I am thinking about either a cooking class or perhaps a dance (salsa) class.

5) Try speed dating one time.

6) Continue to ~~more~~ actively post entries on this blog regarding my dating life. This has turned into a great source of therapy for myself.

7) Join a movie reviewing/movie viewing club to first grow my interest in movies and also to attempt to meet other ~~people~~ ladies interested in the same thing.

8 ) Continue to participate in promising social sporting activies (soccer, yoga) which lend themselves to genuine meetings.

9) Trust my instincts with regards to red flags and warning signs when (attempting to) dating someone.

10) Try to release all worry about meeting someone and do my best not to dwell on current circumstances and develop a more positive outlook. (This will by far be the most difficult and hardest to track).

What do we think? Any more I should add to the list? Meet me in the comments section.

Dating a Short Guy

Clementine — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 03:51:50 +0000

I have never imagined that I would date a guy who was shorter than 5’11″. Since I started dating, all of my boyfriends have been taller than me, and I have been able to wear heels with no issues of towering over them. I have met a wonderful guy, and we are both attracted to one another. The only problem is that he’s short. He says he is 5’9″, and I’m 5’7″, but I looked in the mirror when we were at this party, and I don’t know if it was my hair, but I looked way taller than him. This is with me wearing flat boots!

One of my friends is super short, and his girlfriend is my height, and they seem cute together. He wanted to date me, but I was so hung up on height that I didn’t go there. Now I see how he treats his girlfriend like a queen, and I wonder if that would have been me. I never imagined that I would be in this position. Liking a guy who is way too short for me. I love my heels too much, and I don’t know if I could let them go.

I remember one time I went out with a guy who said he was 5’6, but it felt like he was only 5’4. We had a great time, but I couldn’t let go on how short he was.

This is one of my issues. I am way too picky and everything turns me off. Should I not even go there with this guy cause he is short? Or should I just give it a go?

Has any girls dated shorter guys? Was it awkward? Did you have to sacrifice your heels? Guys, would you date a girl who is taller than you?

Photo Detail: too tall, originally uploaded by dargodargo.

Why Is it So Hard to Find Someone Special to Date?

Clementine — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 18:08:49 +0000

I’ve come to the realization that everyone around is either dating, engaged, or married. The only one who remains alone is me. I don’t even understand why I do remain alone. The worst is when someone says, “You are quite the catch. I can’t believe you are still single.” Well that makes the two of us.

My friend, who began dating the guy she is with at the same time I started dating my last failed attempt of having a relationship, just told me news that shows that her relationship is progressing. Even though I didn’t want to, I felt jealous. Why didn’t it work for me? Why doesn’t it ever work for me? I don’t know if it ever will. I really don’t. I seem to be cursed when it comes to love.

It seems like the more passionate you are, the more alone you are. It just seems to be the case for some unknown reason. I’m really tired of feeling this way. It’s been years since I felt like I was with someone, and I don’t understand why it’s so hard for me and so easy for others.

I honestly wish someone would tell me what I am doing wrong cause I don’t know.

Photo Detail: Walking Alone, originally uploaded by Christian Carocca.

Don’t judge me because my mom and I aren’t close!

Dr. Prentice — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 23:40:21 +0000

I just can’t get along with her.

I recently read an article that talked about how Michelle Obama gave woman dating advice on how to find a good man. One of the points she made was pay close attention to how a young man treats his mom. This got me to thinking about an ongoing debate I have with a few of my female friends who are in the dating/courting process.

It is a fact that myself and my mom are not shall we say the closests. I rarely share very personal things with her and we may talk once a week. Due to family events, we have no choice but to stay in touch but I wouldn’t say we are close. In fact, it is a chore to speak with her at times and there just has never been that warm fuzzy feeling. When I was younger, my mom and I would get into numerous arguments and I ended up on punishment many, many times. Other times, my mom would be “selective” in terms of which messages I would get from my friends. The selectiveness was due to the race of the person calling me. Of course, this infuriated me. Simple as that. One time, my mom didn’t approve of a young lady I was dating and we ended up not speaking for a year and a half which coincided with the length of time I was dating this young lady. When I say we didn’t talk, I mean I saw her for the Christmas holidays and that was the only time we talked. No phone calls or anything for 540 days. Of course I played a role in this, but the fact is that we just aren’t that close.

Would you judge me because of this? I would hope not. Many times I am wary of even introducing my mom to potential young ladies I may date. I have seen it time and time again just ruin the whole dynamic because my mother is just a tough person to get along with and get to know on a genuine level. Keep that in mind when I don’t talk about my mom often or speak in length about our history before you do get a chance to meet her. I say all this to remind you not to judge me because my mom and I aren’t close. You could be dismissing a good thing for a poor reason.

Realize I’m Lucky That Men Adore Me

Clementine — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 13:34:35 +0000

I felt a little down when things ended with the guy I was dating. However, I realized that all I can do is keep on trekking. My eHarmony subscription has finally run out, and I didn’t renew it. The last day of my subscription the last guy I was dating messaged me. We have been chatting nonstop ever since. He is just as connected as I am, which I like. It’s not like it has been with the past couple of guys I have dated who don’t know how to text or send email. He has kids, like I do.

There is also another guy. I met him while out with my guy friend. He seems sweet, and we had a ball that night. We are suppose to go to dinner on Saturday, so I realized something. I never have issues finding guys, so I need to be happy that I at least have a pool of guys I can date. Maybe one day, one of them will turn into something more.

How Many Chances Do We Get At “True Love?”

Clementine — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 17:19:22 +0000

There some people who say that you only get three great loves in your life. I guess it usually works out with the third person or you remain alone. In my 31 years of life, I have already had my three great loves, who will only be known as A., G., and L.

A. —

We met when I was 15 when email, cell phones, and social networks were almost non-existent. This new girl moved into the neighborhood. She befriended one of my friends, so even though I didn’t care much for her, I got acquainted with her. She would come to my house and call her guy friend, A. At first, I didn’t care to join into the conversation, and he seemed to like my friend, but things quickly changed. We began talking on the phone and writing letters (we actually mailed) to one another. We would keep the phone to our ear, even when we were sleeping.

This carried on for three months, and we finally met. We dated for four years. Even when I broke up with him the first time, and my mom kicked me out at 17 by putting all of my clothes in garbage bags left on the porch, he let me stay with him. I didn’t want to, but he said to stop being so stubborn, and that he would never leave me with no place to stay, so I went.

I really loved him. We were both young and stupid, and he sometimes wasn’t the nicest. However, he loved me. It’s true what they say. First loves die hard. I remember when I finally ended things, I was distraught and thought I would never get over it. I gained 25 pounds cause all I did was stay in bed and eat. Six months later, my grandfather passed away, and I went to Panama for six months. It was what I needed to finally be able to function. When I returned, I found out by a mutual friend that A. still wanted to talk to me, so we became friends again for awhile.

Last time I heard from him was a year ago. He was doing great, and he said that his rap career was taking off. I was glad cause I want him to be happy.

G. -

I met him in 2006 when he messaged me on Myspace. When guys messaged me, I usually just deleted them, but I instantly liked him. We started chatting back and forth. After two weeks, without meeting, we declared our love for one another. I utterly and completely loved him. Everyone always says that I am cold, picky, and quick to end things, but there was something about him. After a month and a half, we met. I remember the first meeting. Both of us were super nervous, but after hugging, we began walking to the restaurant. Without even thinking about it, we held hands. It’s a feeling that I will always hold onto. Knowing that I loved this man more than any other man before.

Whenever I would go to my grad course, I would meet up with him. The way he looked at me is how a man should look at the woman he loves. He would smile and say that I was the most energetic person he had ever met, and that he loved my energy. I would smile. The problem was that we were both being selfish. He had his life, and I had mine (already know that this is one of the things I will talk about in the novel I am going to write for NaNoWriMo). For three and a half years, we were on and off. Whenever we were off, I cried for him because I couldn’t think about life without him. Even now, I miss him. It isn’t the love aspect that I miss, but the friendship that we had. Whenever I had a problem with something, he was my confidante.

Last year, he got extremely depressed. Even though I tried to be there for him, he pushed away. Things finally ended in April when he wrote me saying that I deserved better and that he had to let me go so I could find that one person who deserved my love. I cried and cried and cried. Finally in July, I decided that I couldn’t cry anymore.

L. —

Tumultuous, passionate, and confusing. We had so many against our relationship from the beginning: our parents, friends, even one another. We were practically living together for 3.5 years. It didn’t help that we both wanted to eventually get married, so add that aspect to it, and you have drama. It was worse because we are both very passionate. It’s funny but we were both passionate with one another, but with other people, we were kind of unemotional. If a person never calls me again or ends things, I usually am like “Meh” and do my own thing. However, with L., I couldn’t ever let go. Same with L.

Like G., L. thought that I could be a cold-hearted person. I am someone who will quickly be void of any emotion if I feel like I am going to get hurt, and L. hated that. It also affected our relationship. While L. was overly emotional, I lacked them. Even now, it’s something that I am trying to work on. I don’t understand why I am like this.

We weren’t very nice to one another. Our parents didn’t help. They were dead set against our relationship. We always knew that if one set of parents would have been more understanding, then we wouldn’t have half the issues that we had.

One thing I really appreciated about L. is the way L. was with my children. L. dearly loved them, and they loved L. I was too protective, and I think that drove L. crazy. It pained me to have someone hurt L. because people always took advantage, but it also made L. want to run the other way.

Our fights and arguments were HORRIBLE. We would scream and yell at one another in the middle of the street. For some reason, we never paid attention to anyone but us. L. hated G. But it was difficult because of the complexity of our relationship. It was a relationship that I knew wouldn’t last. We both had such anger towards one another, but we still loved one another. Out of the three, L. is the one I missed and loved the most. L. was everything to me. I think both of us knew that it was time to end it after our last fight. We never could understand how we never showed any emotion with other people, but with one another, we were just awful. It’s like my friend said. Some people just have bad chemistry together. He’s right.

My three great loves. I am trying to remain positive about the possibility of one day finding someone I can call my final and greatest love, but I don’t think that is going to happen anymore. I’m 31 and maybe it’s time that I let it go. I should be glad that I experienced love and that is all that should matter. It’s time that I left that part out of my life. I have everything else, so I should forget about love. It has never worked out very well for me, so what is the point? I am finally coming to terms that I am all out of love.

Photo Detail: Taylor Swift– Love Story(explore!), originally uploaded by GraceMarie Photography.

Afraid of Falling in Love

Clementine — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 16:27:46 +0000

Letting someone in is something that I fear. Every time I do, I feel like my heart gets ripped into a million pieces. I’ve been dating this guy for almost two months, and I am starting to freak out. I haven’t liked another guy since G. in over four years. He has been nothing but cold for almost a year, so I don’t want to do this to myself again.

love is a gamble and you might get your heart trampled on, but you have to keep on trying

I was watching “Ghosts of Girlfriends Past,” and even though the movie was mediocre, there was one thing that stuck with me. Connor Mead says that love is a gamble and you might get your heart trampled on, but you have to keep on trying. It’s something that I know but are having a hard time doing without almost breaking out in hives. What if I give myself to another person again? What is he hurts me the way I have been in the past?

I do want to get married one day and have more children. The only way I am going to do this is by putting myself out there. If this guy doesn’t want to pursue things with me, then I will eventually find someone who does. I already know that he is potential. Let’s just hope that if he does decide to end it, it doesn’t hurt as much as it did with G. or L.

Photo Detail: 2009_ghost_of_girlfriends_past_002, originally uploaded by SineGargara.

Instant Chemistry to Find Love

Clementine — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 17:57:13 +0000

(Please watch from the beginning until 1:30 seconds)

like you have been hit by a flash of lightening

This question brings me back to a scene from one of my favorite movies, “Four Weddings and Funeral”. The scene is above and the important dialogue is from the beginning until 1:30. The main character and his best friend are discussing the future and possibilities of finding true love. He believes in the thunderbolt theory where you will meet your true love and know it immediately – like you have been hit by a flash of lightening. His friend doesn’t agree with this concept. He is more in favor of finding someone who you can stand to look at every day and then growing to like them over time.

I post this clip and this small article because I met a new person yesterday on a “first date”. She was funny, intelligent and actually pretty cute too. However, there were no spectacular sparks or “thunderbolts”. Am I expecting too much or should I also wait and let it grow over time?? I swear the hopeless romantic in me is going to have me single for the rest of my life.

Can I Still Find Love?

Clementine — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 04:48:51 +0000

Do we have time?

Since I am a single man in one of the largest cities in the United States, many times I get asked “what do you look for in a woman?”. The most important portion on my answer is for the young lady to be my best friend. Someone who can tell me what I need to hear even if I don want to hear it. Someone who is there for me in the worst of times but also my cheerleader in the best of times. Someone who can sit with me on the couch and not say a word but we end up having the bet conversation ever. As I prepare to turn 35 years old I fear my time is slowly running out. I wonder if ii have time to build this strong (best) friendship with someone and test it out. Nowadays it seems like more and more people are less likely to let someone get close to them and build trust. This could be an issue. No building trust = no being best friends. Without trust I cannot truly open myself up to you and allow myself to be 100% vulnerable. That is an issue.

What do I do?

Love vs. Stability

Clementine — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 03:32:18 +0000

One of my favorite songs reminds me of how I feel right now. I have translated to English, so you are able to read it. It talks about how she passionately loves a man, but she is going to choose reason. Even now, I still love my ex with all my heart. However, he is screwed and it would never work out. Therefore, it’s better to be with someone who makes me smile and won’t cause the me the heartache that he has.

I feel that I will never be truly in love with anyone again. My time has passed, and now I just have to find someone who will be my best friend, and I will deeply care about. Even when I am excited about a guy, I still miss my ex immensely. It’s just how things are.

If I ever saw him again, how would I react? What if I were with another man? I think I would smile and say hello. I just hope that my hands don’t shake, and I don’t stutter the words out. The last time I found out that he was in the same mall as me, I couldn’t speak, started sweating, and began shaking uncontrollably. Let’s hope that doesn’t happen.

Oreja De Van Gogh - Deseos De Cosas Imposibles

Just like the smallest mosquito in the pack
I follow your light even if it leads me to death
I follow you like periods that follow the
suicidal phrases that look for an end.

Just like the poet that decides to work in a bank
Its very possible that I would perform a judo key
On my heart in the worst scenario
forcing it to sign this declaration while he cries

I keep quiet because its most comfortable to fool myself.
I keep quiet because reason defeated the heart,
But no matter what happens , even if someone else by my side,
In silence I will still love you.

Just the way the bum thinks the movies are senseless
Just like a resigned flower decorates an elegant office.
I promise ill refer to the first one
that doesn’t hurt me as “my love”
And laughter will become a luxury when I have forgotten you.

And just the way one waits when one waits on a may square,
I try to light a candle in secrecy just in case
We meet by luck, reducing this words to a piece of paper.

Photo Detail: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, originally uploaded by Fabio Allves.

HeartBrakeHotel » relationships

My 2010 To Do List

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