It seems like every time I decide to let go of my ex, she comes crawling back when I least expect it. In July, she literally told me to “f*ck off” and leave her alone. This is when I was just trying to be friends with, in hopes that something could rekindle, and we could be together. After months of not hearing from her, I get a text message. “I’m glad that you’re happy. I read your blog” I shouldn’t have responded, but I did. I just wrote back: “I hope you are happy as well. Bye L.” She kept texting, but I ignored them. It’s done.

I spent over three and half years waiting around hoping that she would eventually close her legs to any guy or girl who came around and focus on me.  The day never came.  I find out this past spring that while she could never be faithful to me, she was to another woman.  It pained me.  My friend thinks it’s cause she always felt like I was the one with the power in the relationship, so she always felt like she had to rebel.  I think he might be right because she used to always say she was so weak with me.  Even when she said she didn’t want to talk to me, she said it’s cause she is too obsessed with  me.

I have started dating this guy, and I am feeling pretty positive about it.  We seem to get along, and he makes me smile.  Will things work out between us?  Who knows, but all I can do is remain optimistic and not reacquaint myself with people who constantly cheat and lie to me.  I still love her, but love isn’t everything.

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leaving the past behind you…, originally uploaded by Jeffrey Eric.

Every self-help book that I have read has the same philosophy when it comes to the past. Leave it behind. You will never be able to move forward if you are still dwelling on it. It’s something that I keep getting better at doing in all parts of my life, except my love life.

I keep thinking about two of my exes, and I know that I won’t be able to find someone who I can be in a healthy relationship with until I forget them. They were both detrimental to my emotional and physical health, so I know that I can’t keep thinking about them. Out of two, I will have to say that L. is the one I really have to stop thinking about. Our three-year relationship was filled with her constant cheating, lies, and psychological imbalance. She was abusive and mean. I know that she hasn’t changed, even though she says she has, so I don’t know why it’s so hard to stop thinking about this girl.

It’s hard when it’s someone of the same gender. She is not just your lover; she is also your best friend. With a guy, you can mope around for a bit, but eventually, you get up and keep going. With a woman, you feel like you have no one, especially when you alienated everyone to the point that it was just you two.

I am slowly forgetting about her cause I know that she has ridiculous issues. A month ago, I joined eHarmony, and I am meeting some amazing guys. There are three that I am really interested in, so I am excited to say that I am going out with my top one out of three this Saturday, so wish me luck!

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