Should we go out?

The other day I went to a concert with a pretty good friend of mine and we had a very, very amazing good time. This is a friend of mine who has recently broken up with a boyfriend of hers of about two years. Of course outsiders could tell that her specific relationship was pretty one-sided with her bringing much more to the table than her ex-boyfriend was. We just had to wait to see it play through including a brief reuniting. So now of course she is now on that dreaded “rebound”.

I sit on the outside wondering a few things. In the past she has stated that I personally have all the qualities she would want in a man. In fact, she even wondered if she knew any woman who would be “good enough” for me (she was trying to rack her brain for a friend of hers to hook me up with). Now I wonder maybe we should go out on a date. I wonder how it would turn out. Of course you have the to consider the whole waiting game and not trying to date someone who is obviously on the rebound. The counter to that statement is what if you wait and someone comes in and scoops her up? Ugh … isn’t timing the worst?

Now she is obviously out there meeting guys and stuff but it was her idea for us to go to this concert. I don’t want to make a mountain over a molehill but in my opinion, there is some very good potential between the two of us. I am confused because I don’t want to miss any signs but then don’t want to read too much into any signs as well. The worst thing to do would be to not act and miss a good thing. Then, I could act and ruin a friendship. As a good friend of mine did tell me , “with you friends, there is always potential because you all get along well. ” So that really clears things up, NOT!

What should I do? I could just keep being steady and spend as much time with her as possible and see what grows. Just don’t want to fall into the buddy zone but actually I am already there and trying to take it maybe to that next level.

What should I do?

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TRUTH #1

Friendship Is Not Equal Opportunity

Not until high school does puberty really draw boys and girls together, which then continues into college. But as people develop serious romantic relationships or get married, making and maintaining cross-sex friendships becomes harder. “Even the most secure people in a strong marriage probably don’t want a spouse to be establishing a new friendship, especially with someone who’s very attractive,” said Monsour.

The number of cross-sex friendships continues to decline with age—not surprising, because most older adults grew up in an age where consorting with the opposite sex outside of wedlock was taboo. According to Rosemary Blieszner, at Virginia Tech and author of Adult Friendship, elderly people rarely form new friendships with members of the opposite sex. Her research shows that only about 2 percent of the friendships elderly women have are with men.

TRUTH #2

Men Benefit More from Cross-Sex Friendship

There are proven—and apparent—distinct differences between female friendship and male friendship. Women spend the majority of their time together discussing their thoughts and feelings, while men tend to be far more group-oriented. Males gather to play sports or travel or talk stock quotes; rarely do they share feelings or personal reflections. This may explain why they seem to get far more out of cross-sex friendship than their female counterparts.

In Sapadin’s study, men rated cross-sex friendships as being much higher in overall quality, enjoyment and nurturance than their same-sex friendships. What they reported liking most was talking and relating to women—something they can’t do with their buddies. Meanwhile, women rated their same-sex friendships higher on all these counts. They expect more emotional rewards from friendship than men do, explained Sapadin, so they’re easily disappointed when they don’t receive them. “Women confide in women,” noted Blieszner. “Men confide in women.”

TRUTH #3

…But Women Benefit, Too

All that sharing and discussing in female-female friendship can become exhausting, as any woman who’s stayed up all night comforting a brokenhearted girlfriend can attest. With men, women can joke and banter without any emotional baggage. “Friendships with men are lighter, more fun,” said Sapadin. “Men aren’t so sensitive about things.” Some women in her study also liked the protective, familial and casual warmth they got from men, viewing them as surrogate big brothers. What they liked most of all, however, was getting some insight into what guys really think.

TRUTH #4

Cross-Sex Friendships Are Emotionally Rewarding

Although women dig men’s lighthearted attitude, most male-female friendships resemble women’s emotionally involving friendships more than they do men’s activity-oriented relationships, according to Kathy Werking, at Eastern Kentucky University and author of We’re Just Good Friends. Her work has shown that the number one thing male and female friends do together is talk one-on-one. Other activities they prefer—like dining out and going for drives—simply facilitate that communication. In fact, Werking found, close male-female friends are extremely emotionally supportive if they continuously examine their feelings, opinions and ideas. “Males appreciate this because it tends not to be a part of their same-sex friendships,” she said. “Females appreciate garnering the male perspective.”

TRUTH #5

It’s Not All About Sex

Many people have seen the Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal movie “When Harry Met Sally.” The most memorable part is their discussion about if women and men can be friends. When I was younger, I didn’t believe that they could. There is always the man or the woman who falls for the other. I remember in my early twenties, one of my best friends was this guy. From the moment I saw him, I liked him. We started spending every moment of our time together. We would meet in college around 7 a.m., and not leave one another til 1 a.m. We never kissed or had sex, and I didn’t want to. I think he felt the same, but we didn’t want to ruin the friendship. Even now, I compare my relationships to that friendship. We never got bored with one another, and I could spend all my time with him without wanting to run away. I think I even fell in love with him.

Now, my feelings have changed. I have many guy friends, and I do not have an inkling of sexual attraction towards them. They are my buds, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. There are a couple who have started liking me, but they never overstepped the “point of no return.” I can talk to them about my “men” problems, and they can put things in perspective, and I can do the same for them. Women and men can be friends. Maybe sometimes one of them will crush on the other. However, if the boundaries are not overstepped, it can be a wonderful friendship to have.

What do you think? Can women and men be just friends?

TRUTH #1 Friendship Is Not Equal Opportunity Not until high school does puberty really draw boys and girls together, which then continues into college. But as people develop serious romantic relationships or get married, making and maintaining cross-sex friendshi … Posted via web from Love and the City

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Do we have time?

Since I am a single man in one of the largest cities in the United States, many times I get asked “what do you look for in a woman?”. The most important portion on my answer is for the young lady to be my best friend. Someone who can tell me what I need to hear even if I don want to hear it. Someone who is there for me in the worst of times but also my cheerleader in the best of times. Someone who can sit with me on the couch and not say a word but we end up having the bet conversation ever.  As I prepare to turn 35 years old I fear my time is slowly running out. I wonder if ii have time to build this strong (best) friendship with someone and test it out. Nowadays it seems like more and more people are less likely to let someone get close to them and build trust. This could be an issue. No building trust = no being best friends. Without trust I cannot truly open myself up to you and allow myself to be 100% vulnerable. That is an issue.

What do I do?

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