So I went out on a date this weekend. Actually went to an aquarium which is a cool spot to go on a date. Great conversation and learning and cool things. I definitely slept on this as a location for dates and will look to coming back in the future. Afterwards, we went over to have some dinner and had some interesting conversation. One of the first questions she asked me at dinner was whether or not I was “A Christian”. So … yes, I am. But then throughout the rest of the date she made a few other references to spending time with the lord. She even made reference to it when I sent her a text message, saying she “spent some time with the lord” on her Sunday morning. Just for reference, I have had some interesting rough experiences with religion issues mixed in with dating.

So I ask you … am I making a mountain out of a molehill or should this be a red (or yellow) flag for me?

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A guy on EHarmony, who was the only one I was really interested in wants to meet for drinks.  He doesn’t know that I am dealing with a death of a loved one, so for him, I am available.  I feel like I don’t want to do anything.  I don’t have much emotion, and I feel empty inside.  I feel more alone than ever, and I don’t care to really find anyone now.  However, is it healthy to want to not do a damn thing?  I know it isn’t, but I just don’t seem to care. 

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The first one takes me back to 10th grade and a crush I had. It was the middle of basketball season and I was in an advanced Anatomy & Physiology class. My deskmate was a cutie who was a Varsity Cheerleader and also smart as hell. We interacted so much during class and then at times after school because of basketball. Of course a crush developed quickly and strongly. During high school, I also worked a part time job so I had some extra change. Normally in our high school, for Valentine’s Day they would deliver carnations to people in their classes (of course you had to pay). I had the genius idea of sending her a carnation delivery while we were in class together. A little bold, but fun, I went for it. The day came and as class was almost over the fire alarm went off. At the same time, here comes the carnation delivery. The impact of my thoughfulness was gone. She still got the delivery and knew it was from me, but I missed my 15 minutes of sitting next to her after the delivery to really “make my move.”  I never got the chance again.

Nevertheless, this is one of my favorite Valentine’s Day memories. Stay tuned for more later on in the week.

Technorati Tags: Love, Crush, High School, Carnations,

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My sister told me not to give up and started an EHarmony account for me again.  I decided that I am busy, but ok, I will give it a shot.  I start talking to this guy, and he asks to meet tomorrow.  Even though I am busy, I was looking forward to getting out of the house and meeting someone new.  I check my EHarmony account today, and he closed the match.  Reason?

“Want to pursue other matches.”

I’m feeling discouraged.  I know I shouldn’t be like this for one person, but why is it so hard for me to find someone?  Even my ex, who ruined my life, has found someone, and I can’t find a single person? Am I destined to be alone?  I don’t want to be 40 and still dating random guys. 

I honestly feel that there is something wrong with me.  I’m so tired of people saying that I am beautiful, smart, and have it going on, and I will find someone new.  It’s been how long, and I still can’t find a single person?

Should I give up? I am tired of being rejected. I really am.  It’s one of the reasons that I have been obsessed with work.  I hate feeling like no one wants to take a chance to be with me.  I’m 31, and I feel like the boat is leaving. 

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I’m in trouble and I don’t know how to get better.

Image courtest of Michael Alan

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Is it a bad thing to settle? Is our list of things we want in a mate just too damn much long? I have been thinking about this lately. Ever since I went to see the movie “Up in the Air” and one of the best scenes in the movie, the younger female lead actress speaks about settling and how it is a bad thing (by definition she says). Won’t I regret it later on in life if I settle? I can’t call it. I admit, sometimes it is little things that really bother me about ladies here and there.

Let me give you an example. It’s a pretty small example, but still gets my point across. There was someone who I have been admiring from afar and we are in the same group activity together. Lately she had been impressing me with her commitment to our group and attending all of our weekly meetings. Note she has a history in the past of being flaky and just not showing up or rsvp’ing a decline when the group really needed her. Very little issue but just a sign of flakiness. My feeling is don’t commit to something if you are not going to attend regularly when the group is depending on you on a weekly basis. So tonight, she flaked again. I figured maybe she had a large amount of homework to do or maybe had to stay late at work. Nope, she had to do laundry. Hmmm … seems like she has regressed her true colors are showing.

Am I overreacting? This little incident bothers me because I see this as a sign of what one might do with more major events than a group activity. This would be enough to just write her off and forget about pursuing my admiration.

What do you think?

Image courtest of S-Nocturnus’

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Should we go out?

The other day I went to a concert with a pretty good friend of mine and we had a very, very amazing good time. This is a friend of mine who has recently broken up with a boyfriend of hers of about two years. Of course outsiders could tell that her specific relationship was pretty one-sided with her bringing much more to the table than her ex-boyfriend was. We just had to wait to see it play through including a brief reuniting. So now of course she is now on that dreaded “rebound”.

I sit on the outside wondering a few things. In the past she has stated that I personally have all the qualities she would want in a man. In fact, she even wondered if she knew any woman who would be “good enough” for me (she was trying to rack her brain for a friend of hers to hook me up with). Now I wonder maybe we should go out on a date. I wonder how it would turn out. Of course you have the to consider the whole waiting game and not trying to date someone who is obviously on the rebound. The counter to that statement is what if you wait and someone comes in and scoops her up? Ugh … isn’t timing the worst?

Now she is obviously out there meeting guys and stuff but it was her idea for us to go to this concert. I don’t want to make a mountain over a molehill but in my opinion, there is some very good potential between the two of us. I am confused because I don’t want to miss any signs but then don’t want to read too much into any signs as well. The worst thing to do would be to not act and miss a good thing. Then, I could act and ruin a friendship. As a good friend of mine did tell me , “with you friends, there is always potential because you all get along well. ” So that really clears things up, NOT!

What should I do? I could just keep being steady and spend as much time with her as possible and see what grows. Just don’t want to fall into the buddy zone but actually I am already there and trying to take it maybe to that next level.

What should I do?

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1. Trust your instincts. As humans, we have all been blessed with a complex psychological tool we colloquially refer to as our ‘gut feeling’. This tool uses a combination of conscious and sub-conscious observations and prompts to let us know when to get out of a given situation. Never ignore your instincts. Refer to your ‘little inner voice’ every time you read a profile, a response to an email, have a phone conversation or meet in person.

2. Take your time. In the initial stages of online dating, it is best to keep your personal information private. This includes your name, surname, home telephone number and home address. It may seem prudish to withhold this information but there are some scary things you should be aware of, namely:

· With your home phone number, any person could find out where you live, what your income is and even the value of your home.

· Your full name can allow people to ‘Google’ your name and perform an internet search that may result in them knowing where you work, what you do and even what your phone number is.

· With both your home number and your full name they can find out basically everything.

3. Use anonymous communication methods. Set up a free email account with Yahoo, Gmail or Hotmail to facilitate your email communication and use a prepaid cell phone account or Skype for telephone conversations. This will allow you more time to get to know the person in question better before divulging any personal details.

4. Use a reputable online dating service. There is a saying that goes ‘you get what you pay for’ and this is true for online dating as well. Free dating services are all good and well, but take into account that ‘free’ means that people who use the site are completely unidentified since they don’t need to provide any credit card information. This provides a greater opportunity for potentially dangerous individuals to misuse the platform.

5. Be on the lookout for odd characteristics. Once you start communicating with a potential mate via email or telephone you should be wary of any odd characteristics you may notice. Are they easily affronted, do they seem controlling, etc.? If you notice anything that is not above board, that should be your cue to tuck tail and run.

I knew a girl who was on Match.com. She would talk to a guy for a week online, and then go on a date with him. It wasn’t that she did that. What was worse is that she would give her real home address, jump in his car, and have drinks with him. There were so many times that I try to tell her how dangerous that was, but she didn’t listen. It’s definitely something that is a big “No No” when doing online dating..

1. Trust your instincts. As humans, we have all been blessed with a complex psychological tool we colloquially refer to as our ‘gut feeling’. This tool uses a combination of conscious and sub-conscious observations and prompts to let us know when to get out of a given situation. Never ignore your in … Posted via web from Love and the City

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