Archive for September, 2009

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Why Didn’t He Call Me After First Date?


2009
09.30

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What do you do when a guy doesn’t call? I’ve had this hap­pen to me over and over again. It’s got­ten to the point that I expect that the guy will never call me back. The worst is when you get a call from him months (even years) later say­ing that he had so much going on dur­ing that time, so that is the rea­son he never called. When this hap­pens to me, I usu­ally don’t even attempt to give the guy a sec­ond chance. You already screwed me over once, so why should I even try again?

How­ever, is this wrong of me? Every­one has gone through things where they knew that there was no point of start­ing a rela­tion­ship, even if the per­son was awe­some. But, shouldn’t he have know that before he even went on a date with me? I know that I have become overly harsh with guys. I think it’s cause I have been hurt more than I have ever been hurt by my two exes that I am afraid to give any­thing a chance. Every time I feel like I should be pos­i­tive and take a risk, it back­fires on me. Do I keep try­ing? Or do I give up?

Today I have a date with this guy, and I am try­ing to remain pos­i­tive, but I feel like if I put too much thought into it, he won’t be any­thing but another of those one-date won­der. Let’s hope that I am wrong.

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Love vs. Stability


2009
09.22

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One of my favorite songs reminds me of how I feel right now. I have trans­lated to Eng­lish, so you are able to read it. It talks about how she pas­sion­ately loves a man, but she is going to choose rea­son.  Even now, I still love my ex with all my heart.  How­ever, he is screwed and it would never work out.  There­fore, it’s bet­ter to be with some­one who makes me smile and won’t cause the me the heartache that he has.

I feel that I will never be truly in love with any­one again.  My time has passed, and now I just have to find some­one who will be my best friend, and I will deeply care about.  Even when I am excited about a guy, I still miss my ex immensely.  It’s just how things are.

If I ever saw him again, how would I react?  What if I were with another man? I think I would smile and say hello.  I just hope that my hands don’t shake, and I don’t stut­ter the words out.  The last time I found out that he was in the same mall as me, I couldn’t speak, started sweat­ing, and began shak­ing uncon­trol­lably.  Let’s hope that doesn’t happen.

Oreja De Van Gogh - Deseos De Cosas Imposibles

Just like the small­est mos­quito in the pack
I fol­low your light even if it leads me to death
I fol­low you like peri­ods that fol­low the
sui­ci­dal phrases that look for an end.

Just like the poet that decides to work in a bank
Its very pos­si­ble that I would per­form a judo key
On my heart in the worst sce­nario
forc­ing it to sign this dec­la­ra­tion while he cries

I keep quiet because its most com­fort­able to fool myself.
I keep quiet because rea­son defeated the heart,
But no mat­ter what hap­pens , even if some­one else by my side,
In silence I will still love you.

Just the way the bum thinks the movies are sense­less
Just like a resigned flower dec­o­rates an ele­gant office.
I promise ill refer to the first one
that doesn’t hurt me as “my love”
And laugh­ter will become a lux­ury when I have for­got­ten you.

And just the way one waits when one waits on a may square,
I try to light a can­dle in secrecy just in case
We meet by luck, reduc­ing this words to a piece of paper.

I keep quiet because its most com­fort­able to fool myself.
I keep quiet because rea­son defeated the heart,
But no mat­ter what hap­pens , even if some­one else by my side,
In silence I will still love,
In silence I will be in love.
In silence I will think of only. you.


Photo Detail: The Curi­ous Case of Ben­jamin But­ton, orig­i­nally uploaded by Fabio Allves.

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You Need Love and Patience


2009
09.16

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Posted in dating, love, tips | Comments

“With love and patience, noth­ing is impossible.”

I’ve always had a prob­lem with being patient when it comes to rela­tion­ships.  If I meet some­one, I usu­ally plan our wed­ding before I even go on the sec­ond date with the per­son. It’s some­thing that I am try­ing to work on, and I feel I am get­ting bet­ter at it.  How­ever, as much as I am try­ing, it’s still hard.
One of the things that I am try­ing to learn is that even if things don’t work out with a per­son, I shouldn’t feel like I wasted my time.  I usu­ally have those feel­ings, and then get dis­cour­aged, and don’t want to try again.  I have to under­stand that with love, you go through a lot of “no“s to get to the “yes.”  For some rea­son, I feel that I am get­ting closer because my atti­tude has changed.
I am more pos­i­tive, and I am now attract­ing peo­ple who mir­ror that.  Before, I was meet­ing emo­tion­ally unavail­able, depressed indi­vid­u­als who can’t even make them­selves happy.  It was always the same drama but with dif­fer­ent peo­ple.  Now that I am happy, I am meet­ing peo­ple who are will­ing to take the plunge with me.  I am still work­ing on how picky I am.
I have three prospects right now, and I am excited to get to know them bet­ter.  Even if it doesn’t work out, I will smile and con­tinue try­ing.  With­out try­ing, I will never find love.
♥ Love — Agapi — Aşk ♥ Explored, orig­i­nally uploaded by aliaydogmus35(I am BACK).


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Working with Ex Lookalike


2009
09.09

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dopple­ganger, orig­i­nally uploaded by kaz­erin.

At work, I started work­ing with this guy. The prob­lem? He looks and acts like my ex. The ex who still haunts my dream, and I have loved more than any man. I am really dread­ing work­ing with this guy any longer. He makes me think about my ex more than I should. It’s crazy how every­thing about this man reminds me of him:

The way he walks, his clothes, his cocky atti­tude, his smile, the way he bites his bot­tom lip when he is think­ing, the way he stares at me, how seri­ous he is when he is talk­ing, but in a sec­ond, he begins to smirk

I can tell he is inter­ested in me, but this dopple­ganger makes me want to run the other way. It makes me think about how obsessed and blind I was. When this dopple­ganger talks and stares at me, I feel the urge to pas­sion­ately kiss him, but then I remem­ber that he isn’t my ex. All that is left is this feel­ing of lone­li­ness that has creeped up on me.

What should you do if you work for some­one who reminds you of your ex? All you can do is grin and bear it. One thing I have started to do is not look at this man as much as I was before. If I feel myself think­ing about my ex, I quickly think about some­thing else. Keep­ing busy is key.

Will this lonely feel­ing go away? It will when I stop work­ing with this man. Let’s just hope that it’s soon.


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Loneliness is a Killer


2009
09.07

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Posted in dating, love | Comments

dog alone on beach

Lone­li­ness is defined as : affected with, char­ac­ter­ized by, or caus­ing a depress­ing feel­ing of being alone; lonesome.

Whit­ney Hous­ton once sang “I’d rather be alone than unhappy. ”

Oh really? Being lonely is such a tough emo­tion to describe and to come to terms with. I know many a mar­ried peo­ple who suf­fer from extreme lone­li­ness. Even some­one who has a boyfriend or girl­friend can be lonely. I could be sit­ting next to my best friend in life and have my heart ache from lone­li­ness. Peo­ple turn to drugs and alco­hol to com­bat the lonely feel­ing. Peo­ple stay in mar­riages to avoid being alone. Peo­ple change who they are to run from that lonely feeling.

In my younger years I hung out with a crew just so I would not be alone. It took me two or three years to wake up and real­ize it’s ok to go to the movies alone … It’s ok to eat at a restau­rant alone. All of this because of the fear of being alone. The sci­en­tific term for this is mono­pho­bia. I can’t lie though. My biggest fear in life is grow­ing old alone. Scares me half to death. How sad would that be?

Per­son­ally, I don’t know the cure for lon­li­ness. I fig­ure some self con­fi­dence,  diverse set of hob­bies, and some good friends on speed dial or buddy list is a good start. I will cau­tion you though, it is not the cure all. I have a good amount of self con­fi­dence, very high qual­ity friends and some cool hob­bies yet I suf­fer from a case of being lonely on many, many nights.

One of my favorite movie scenes that indi­rectly speaks about being alone is from the movie “Bounce” with Gwen­neth Pal­trow and Ben Affleck. Heis char­ac­ter talks about sim­ply want­ing a “last call” at night. Not the last call from a bar when it is almost time to go, but rather some­one to talk to right before you go to bed. A last call. Speak­ing to this per­son eases your mind and elim­i­nates any lonely feel­ing in your sub­con­scious before doz­ing off to sleep. I would love a last call.

This post may seem a bit ram­bling but that is exactly how a lonely per­sons mind func­tions. So many ques­tions pop up. So many ran­dom thoughts trickle through their head. Like a mile a minute.  And then … The ques­tions stop … The thoughts stop … And you are alone …


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